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Sunday, October 18, 2015

9 Warning Signs You’re in Bad Company

It is better to be alone than in bad company.
A big part of who you become in life has to do with who you choose to surround yourself with.  Sometimes luck controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let stay, who you pursue, and who you let walk back out.

Ultimately, you should surround yourself with people who make you a better person and let go of those who don’t.  Here are some warning signs you’re in the presence of the latter:

1.  They only make time for you when it’s convenient for them.

It’s obvious, but any relationship without regular interaction and communication is going to have problems, especially when there’s a lack of commitment.

Don’t waste your time with someone who only wants you around when it’s convenient for them.  You shouldn’t have to force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they truly care about you they will gladly create space for you.

Being in a relationship with someone who overlooks your worth isn’t loyalty, it’s stupidity.  Never beg someone for attention.  Know your self-worth, and move on if you must.

2.  They hold your past against you.

Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be – that you’ve made mistakes in the past, learned from them, and moved past them.  They may not be able to stand the fact that you’re growing and moving on with your life, and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their negative behavior.  Keep moving forward.

Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy and serves no purpose in creating a better day today.  If someone continuously judges you by your past and holds it against you, you might have to repair your future by leaving them behind.

3.  You feel trapped.

Healthy relationships keep the doors and windows wide open.  Plenty of air is flowing and no one feels trapped.  Relationships thrive in this kind of unrestricted environment.  You can come and go as you please, but you choose to stay because where you are is where you want to be.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Want To Be Mentally Tough? Stop Doing These Five Things

Image Credits: https://studyabroad.ahslabs.uic.edu/2015/06/29/week-2-friday-mental-toughness/

There are a lot of ways to get stronger. Adding more resistance, adversity, or stress is one way, learning how to adapt to the challenge is another, and adopting dialectical thinking (see blog post 9/23/14) is another. Yet for all of these ways to get stronger, without removing the obstacles in our own approach to adversity, we will see little gain. So if you want to get stronger mentally, here are five things to stop doing right now.

Stop Off Loading Responsibility. Mentally strong people know what is their responsibility and what is not. What they take responsibility for is their behavior, thoughts and feelings. They have long since let go of the idea that anyone is going to make things better for them. While they know that sometimes things happen that are out of their control, they know that they — and only they — are solely responsible for how they respond to these things. You will never see them pointing a finger, blaming anyone else for “messing up their day,” “making them feel bad” or “making them angry.” Instead they simply take responsibility and accept their responses as their own, aware that these are choices they are making — and if they don’t like them it’s no one’s fault but theirs.

Stop Taking Things Personally. Those who get through setbacks and come out stronger know that these things are not personal. Whatever those around them do, they recognize is a reflection of that person’s character, and only that. Mentally tough people do not believe that anyone “has it out for them,” or “that the world is against them.” Instead, they recognize that what happens to them is

Saturday, May 23, 2015

What Motivates Us @ Work? More Than Money!

“When we think about how people work, the naïve intuition we have is that people are like rats in a maze,” says behavioral economist Dan Ariely (TED Talk: What makes us feel good about our work?) “We really have this incredibly simplistic view of why people work and what the labor market looks like.”

Instead, when you look carefully at the way people work, he says, you find out there’s a lot more at play — and at stake — than money. Ariely provides evidence that we are also driven by the meaningfulness of our work, by others’ acknowledgement — and by the amount of effort we’ve put in: the harder the task is, the prouder we are.

“When we think about labor, we usually think about motivation and payment as the same thing, but the reality is that we should probably add all kinds of things to it: meaning, creation, challenges, ownership, identity, pride, etc.,” Ariely says.

Below, take a look at some of Ariely’s other studies, as well as a few from other researchers, with interesting implications for what makes us feel good about our work.

1.  Seeing the fruits of our labor may make us more productive

The Study: In Man’s search for meaning: The case of Legos, Ariely asked participants to build characters from Lego’s Bionicles series. In both conditions, participants were paid decreasing amounts for each subsequent Bionicle: $3 for the first one, $2.70 for the next one, and so on. But while one group’s creations were stored under the table, to be disassembled at the end of the experiment, the other group’s Bionicles were disassembled as soon as they’d been built. “This was an endless cycle of them building and we destroying in front of their eyes,” Ariely says.

The Results: The first group made 11 Bionicles, on average, while the second group made only seven before they quit.

The Upshot: Even though there wasn’t huge meaning at stake, and even though the first group knew their work would be destroyed at the end of the experiment, seeing the results of their labor for even a short time was enough to dramatically improve performance.

2.  The less appreciated we feel our work is, the more money we want to do it

The Study: Ariely gave study participants — students at MIT — a piece of paper filled with random letters, and asked them to find pairs of identical letters. Each round, they were offered less money than the previous round. People in the first group wrote their names on their sheets and handed them to the experimenter, who looked it over and said “Uh huh” before putting it in a pile. People in the second group didn’t write down their names, and the experimenter put their sheets in a pile without looking at them. People in the third group had their work shredded immediately upon completion.

The Results: People whose work was shredded needed twice as much money as those whose work was acknowledged in order to keep doing the task. People in the second group, whose work was saved but ignored, needed almost as much money as those whose work was shredded.

The Upshot: “Ignoring the performance of people is

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Difference Between Soulmates and Life Partners

Soul Mate: Someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs.

Life Partner: A companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants. 

Everyone wants to meet their Soulmate. In fact, one of the most common questions I receive in my readings and coaching sessions is- “When am I going to meet my Soulmate?”

We have many Soulmates in this life but their purpose is all the same- they are here to challenge and awaken us so our soul can evolve into a higher state of consciousness.

Our Soulmates always arrive when we are ready for them and not a moment sooner. They arrive when we are ready to learn the lessons that we were destined to fulfill.

Soulmate relationships are often not forever, this is because sometimes the relationship can be too intense or there is a certain karmic energy to the relationship that sees it come to a close once the necessary lessons have been learnt.

Soulmates can also be friends and relatives; they don’t always have to be romantic partners. Regardless of this, you will always feel a strong, energetic connection or a past life history together.

Many of us spend years obsessing about meeting a Soulmate, but

Sunday, March 15, 2015

18 Harsh Truths About Corporate Life

Photo Credit: © Yash Raj Films
Twenties are the time when most of us take up our first jobs. Even though it’s great to finally start earning and ‘be on your own’, corporate life is nothing like we imagine it to be in our younger years. It’s stressful and unrewarding. Here are 18 harsh truths about corporate life nobody will ever tell you.

1. The more efficient you are at your work, the more you will be burdened with it.

2. Nobody cares about your individual progress in the corporate world. All that matters is what you contribute to the company.

3. There will come a time when you will take up a job just for the money and nothing else.

4. Desk jobs kill creativity.

5. Very often, you will be held accountable for tasks that weren’t even your responsibility in the first place.

6. You will be dealing with a dozen tasks other than what you were initially hired for. Your scope of work will only keep increasing.

7. You will be constantly made to believe you need the company more than it needs you, and that, is not always true.

8. Meetings are a waste of time. Always. Nothing good has ever come out of them, really. Most people aren’t listening, and the ones talking are far away from reality.

9. If you’re sluggish, you’ll be ridiculed by your boss. If you’re proactive, you’ll be hated by your colleagues.

10. Your needs as an employee would go completely ignored, sometimes. You won’t get what you really deserve until you raise your voice and put your foot down.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

7 Body Language Tricks To Make Anyone Instantly Like You

There is no question that body language is important. And, according to Leil Lowndes in her book How To Talk To Anyone, you can capture — and hold — anyone's attention without even saying a word. Here's how:

The Flooding Smile
"Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone," says Lowndes. If you do, it appears as if anyone in your line of sight would receive that same smile. Instead, pause and look at the other person's face for a second, and then let a "big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes". Even though the delay is less than a second, it will convince people your smile is personalised for them.

Sticky Eyes
"Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner's with sticky warm taffy," Lowndes advises. Even after they've finished speaking, don't break eye contact. "When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks." This technique will help you appear more intelligent and insightful. You can also try counting your conversation partner's blinks.

Epoxy Eyes
In a group of people, you should watch the person you are interested in, no matter who else is talking. If you concentrate on that person even when they are simply listening, you show that you are extremely interested in his or her reactions.

The Big-Baby Pivot
People are very conscious of how you react to them. When you meet someone new, turn your body fully toward them and give them undivided attention.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Mindfulness: 5 Simple Tricks to Stay Relaxed and Alert

Most of us go through our lives generally thinking about the past or worried or anxious about what is to come in the future. In this we lose the very precious essence, which is, this very moment. Practice of Mindfulness basically teaches us how to live this moment and be aware of everything that is happening around us NOW. Research shows that Mindfulness works positively in cure of Depression and Anxiety and increasingly it is becoming a part of the treatment plan of various ailments From Depression to Addiction to even blood pressure

Following are the 5 easy ways you can help yourself to be more mindful. This not only makes you more aware of this very moment, but also puts your brain in much relaxed and calmer state.

  1. Multiple times of day (4-6 times), Spend 60 seconds consciously thinking about the present moment. Try and avoid any thoughts about Past or future.
  2. Spend 5 minutes of your day focusing on your breathing with your eyes closed. Don’t try and alter anything, just try to be aware of how your body breathes. It does on its own, it doesn’t need your mind to do it. So just be an observer
  3. While eating your meals, Try and focus on the taste and your bodily senses that it affects. Do it whenever you can remember.
  4. While seated in your office, often remind yourself about the physical contact that your body makes with the chair underneath. On how the weight is distributed and if there is any discomfort in any part of your body. Again, just observe for couple of minutes, no need to change anything.
  5. When in conversation or discussion with anyone, try and focus on what the other person is saying. Try and keep your mind open to all possibilities and opinions.
Credits: by Dishkant Dave founder of CureJoy Inc

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Power of Money

Some of you may already know that I travel around the region pretty frequently, having to visit and conduct seminars at my offices in Malaysia , Indonesia , Thailand and Suzhou ( China ) . I am in the airport almost every other week so I get to bump into many people who have attended my seminars or have read my books.
Recently, someone came up to me on a plane to KL and looked rather shocked. He asked, 'How come a millionaire like you is traveling economy?' My reply was, 'That's why I am a millionaire. ' He still looked pretty confused.

This again confirms that greatest lie ever told about wealth (which I wrote about in my latest book 'Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires'). Many people have been brainwashed to think that millionaires have to wear Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. This is why so many people never become rich because the moment they earn more money, they think that it is only natural that they spend more, putting them back to square one.
The truth is that most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. That is why they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster.

Over the last 7 years, I have saved about 80% of my income while today I save only about 60% (because I have my wife, mother in law, 2 maids, 2 kids, etc. to support). Still, it is way above most people who save 10% of their income (if they are lucky). I refuse to buy a first class ticket or to buy a $300 shirt because I think that it is a complete waste of money. However, I happily pay $1,300 to send my 2-year old daughter to Julia Gabriel Speech and Drama without thinking twice.

When I joined the YEO (Young Entrepreneur's Orgn) a few years back (YEO is an exclusive club open to those who are under 40 and make over $1m a year in their own business), I discovered that those who were self-made thought like me. Many of them with net worth well over $5 m, travelled economy class and some even drove Toyotas and Nissans, not Audis, Mercs, BMWs..

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